hold my hand

I'm five years old, I'm with my daddy. I feel so happy to be with him, our night out together with no boys yelling at me and calling me ugly or that I'm a stupid girl.
It's late, i didn't realize how dark it was outside until now. We stand at the beginning curve in the street, where a distant street light behind us can still make out a faint path for us. My dad stops...for the road ahead of us only has two things lighting it's path, the moon's reflective glow and a faint sight of a yellowish porch light softly peaking through a row of evergreens on the side of my grandma's house.

It's an old road, no street lights. During the day this road seems harmless but can definitely speak it's history with each cobble stone that was set in place. Looking like it's set there to hold up the road from it's very edge's. The edge of the road scares me, that my ankle might twist to have me fall down the side of it. Falling into a pit of darkness a place that seems so deep that the natural lights can't reach it. The bright side of me is telling me that it is only about a three foot drop but the drop wasn't the troublesome part. It's the dept of black shadow that seems to leark down there amongst the bottom. A hand waiting to grab me so i can not reach my father once i fall. A slithering night stalker that is waiting for me. These very thoughts scare me, i begin to sink my head down into my shoulders and clinch my hands to my dress. I just stand there frozen tracking every glimpse of light with my eyes so i can see the pavement.

I look up at my father, he's already looking down at me and then i hear him say so safely "Hold my hand baby girl." I tuck my little five year old hand into his so tightly and we begin our walk up Penacky Hill.

a fall night

Sitting by the fire, flames trickling with grey smoke, wood burnt red and popping as the heat intensifies. I relax my feet next to the cocoon wrapped heated stones that create a barrier for the fallen flickering flames of slivered wood. The warmth hugs me as i bundle up in my hoodie and continue to relax by lighting my cigarette.
I'm not alone, i can hear booze induced laughter and voices changing pitch with each creative story shared.
I feel alone by not engaging in conversation but i don't mind. I like it, i like that it doesn't bother anyone if i just sit to the side and become hypnotized by this dancing fire and all the comfort that it provides me.
My eyes become dry from lack of blinking. An intense red flamed light is still present even when i manage to blink or look away. This draws me even closer to the center of this ancient custom. My lips starve for some moisture. My face feels so tight from the lack of time i have spent away from the fire.
I can't help but feel empowered by this erotic display of visual movement. I just want to hop to my feet and dance around the fire shaking my hands in the air, skipping my steps with a high knee while occasionally putting in a twirl. I ask myself, would these people think that i have went crazy or maybe join me to invoke the night fire on this most beautiful night?

to you dear friend

There are some people whom are introduced to your life and then in their leisurely suttle way becomes imprinted into the history of you.
The memories that can be shared amongst two people can be wholesome in stories while sharing your times with others.
Living in those years and becoming part of each others life is the cost of living. It's those times and those people who will impact you the most and become very important to you.
Even though those times may have ended, maybe even years ago...you are a friend of mine and one i will never forget. I will hold onto our memories and keep them near and dear in my heart. I will share my memories with pride and smile at the thought of them.
Time may have passed us.
Life did indeed strengthen us.
Advice attempted to guide us.
Death may have separated us.
Memories of friendship will keep us together.
If you don't already know, i will say it again. Thank you for making me laugh, being supportive when my life was down and giving me advice even when i didn't ask for it...i was listening!
I will miss you.
I will always remember you.
Rest In Peace Dear Friend.