"It's positive." i reply
Laura jumps up from her chair "Oh my god, that's great!" giving me a genuine comforting hug of acceptance.
"I don't know what the hell you think you are doing! You need to stop this crap!" My mother and i were always fighting then. I was trying to move on and she was convinced i should stay in my past.
"I'm pregnant!" I yell at her while shrugging my arm away from her grip so i can escape the front porch. "OH MY GOD!!" She yells at me with pure hatred in her tone. Throwing her arms up into the air, "Well what the hell are you going to do?!?" Her body language so angered i start to walk away "I'm going to keep it!" I shout at her as i am making my way to the car. Making my anger well known by throwing my middle finger in the air towards her before i step into my car."It's a Boy!" the ultrasound tech tells us. I look at Ralph, we're hand in hand. He's smiling and a tear rolls down my face. A tear of happiness for him, his first born, "it's a boy" i repeat so softly. I hear a lot of clicking and pressing on the machine from the technician. I hear picture after picture sliding from the side. She cuts the picture's from the machine and calmly gets up from her chair, "Excuse me but i will be back shortly." Leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. I continue looking at Ralph and he's smiling at me just holding and caressing my hand so sweetly. Moments later she re-enters the room, "You can put your top back on now and if you wouldn't mind having a seat in the waiting room, the doctor would like to see you when he is done." Pleasant voiced and smiling she escorts us to the waiting room.
I'm nervous extremely nervous.
I go into the office alone, for the nurse who escorted me did not ask if Ralph would like to join me. I'm sitting in a very small office, my chair is practically spilling into the hallway. The doctor sits down, lays out the ultrasound pictures on his desk and begins. At this time I'm not even sure if i understand what he is telling me. "I have to send you to another hospital, i...we don't handle pregnancies like this." I continue staring at the pictures on his desk. "There's a lot of things wrong with your baby!" This is when he starts getting into detail about my babies anatomy. "We need 3-D ultrasound to confirm, to get a better look, we just don't have that technology or special care unit for this." I begin to feel empty and alone. "This is extremely severe, I'm not even sure if your baby is going to make it." He is very sympathetic but i am in shock and don't really know what to do. He begins to set up my appointments for me with another hospital and another doctor and informs them of my babies health concerns and issues. I take the information he has given me and begin to walk out to the waiting room. I see women being weighed, smiling faces, white walls, grey carpet, a narrow hallway that is leading me to Ralph. I open the big white door with the brass handle, there's Ralph sitting across the room. He sees me, he smiles, he gets up to be with me and as he is walking over all i can think is "Oh My God" with such sadness.
I am ready, he is ready! Minutes just flew by and before i know it there he is, a beautiful baby boy, an angel who has been sent to me. Robert Dean Rue is now here. The room fell silent and all i hear is a female doctor say "Oh My God, he's awake!" shocked and surprised, then one more "Oh My God, he's awake!" The reason this comes as such a shock to them is because this baby boy who is NOW here and NOW awake showing life, had all odds against him. A continuous stream of heart wrenching bad news for four months. I reach my hand out to try to touch him, even if for just a split second and i say "Oh My God Yes he is awake!" smiling with a moment of relief and joy that is indescribable.
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